I don't think in my entire life I've ever felt this alone...and there are people surrounding me everywhere. I never saw it coming, not in a million years. And I can try to study it away, work it away, clean myself into oblivion just so it doesn't feel real anymore and still none of that changes the fact that it is beyond a shadow of a doubt real... and it's wrong. I want to fight it...I did fight it. Harder than I've ever fought for anything in my life I fought for him. He acknowledges that. But sometimes fighting...even fighting the hardest you can....still doesn't change the facts. Eventually, I had to bow out gracefully. So what did I gain by fighting? I question it to myself and think I've come to a conclusion....no regrets. There's nothing I could have done differently....nothing I would've wanted to do differently. He won't read this....actually, I don't know for sure if anyone will read this. But it's here. I typed it for me. I think I'll write him a letter. I've done that before and never have I actually delivered those letters...but this time I might. I had never had the strength before, but somewhere along the way he taught me where to find that strength. I love him for that and a million other reasons. Maybe someday he will want that back... maybe not. God only knows...and God's plan is best. You could be happy, I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops til it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
Not our last days of silence, scream and blur?
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out that door
You could behappy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I've been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back don't think just do
More than anything I want to see you go
And take a glorious bite out of the whole world.
~Snow Patrol You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And tomorrow they might choose to walk away
Love them anyway...
~Martina McBride Funny how sometimes lyrics can say things you didn't even realize you wanted to say. | 
